tengo ganas hacer esto

I love seeing this blank space staring at me on my computer screen. (the Locoturio´s computer because of course my internet does not work) I have been thinking of writing an update over the past several days, but have only now taken the time. Last night I went to the Ciudad Real fair. In April and May many cities are famous for their incredible fairs. Although not entirely incredible, going to the fair was something different. There was no ferris wheel, but there were bumper cars and lots of carnival food like hotdogs. There were also about 7 tents with different Spanish music for dancing. It felt very Spanish, and although being there made me feel very American, I enjoy these authentic atmospheres. I enjoy watching the traditional dances, the people singing along to words I don´t know, and being apart of yet another pleasurable activity the Spanish put so much priority on. I get inspired by reading really good articles. I must thank Lauren for leaving the Paste magazines for me. After reading several film and book reviews (from 2010, ha) I had this sense of confidence and clarity about going home this summer. I would like to spend all of my time reading, catching up on documentaries and films, studying Spanish and spending as much time as possible with a list of people I have in my head. These musical reviews and articles also make me wish I had grown up in Memphis or Brooklyn (2 very cool but very opposite American cities) with parents who were exactly alike and exposed me to art when I was born so that it would be inherent in me. I would have surely become an artist or writer. Lastly, the Lilith Fair article, about the 1997-1999 women´s music festival started by Sarah McLachlan, made me think a lot about putting into words something I´ve felt before about my teenage years. It helped put into words for me what trying to be apart of the music scene was like when I was ages 14 to 18 and even more. It was always about the boys. And thát´s exactly it. The girls wanted to be apart of the music scene (like anyone) because it was super cool, dedicated, messy, loud and our parents didn´t understand. And because we wanted the boys? Or we liked the music? But to think about playing an instrument seemed out of the question. Too scared? I think most just too intimidated. There were lots of girl fans at Furnace Fest, but there were never girl artists. That´s something I didn´t think about at the time because it just was like this. I like seeing the music scene change. And I also just got done reading Half the Sky. Rootin´on the girls of this world! Random: I think it´d be great to have one of those movie relationships where you never knew you could end up loving someone so much. The couple is sitting at a park (but they don´t know they´re a couple) and the male says (during the moment of silence), "I think I love you" and without hestitation the female goes, "I´m going to marry you" as if both vomitted the words. I wish my internet worked because, you know, you always want to do the most when you can remember. I want to tell about Christmas vacation more. I have a lot of great stuff from observing people in airports during that travel time. I´m also thinking about how being in Spain and especially with Miquel, has taught me to think more about what I eat and how I´m going to make it. Flo also taught me a tiny bit about cooking when he stayed with me during Carnaval. I mean I have vergüenza when I cut tomatoes in front of Miquel. And "it´s cool" to eat cool stuff, instead of it being a chore. Most people visit Mercadona everyday. Mealtime is the most important. It´s important to eat well, and that´s surely new for me. I´m going to keep this mindset in PC. I´m continually thinking about advice I want to give to my children. It´s like this automatic assumption that what I´ve learned will be advice for my children because I´m doing what I can when really I´d like to tell this to younger, less experienced Jaclyn and do it over again.. I think. Passing on knowledge to our descendants. But I want to tell my girl(s) that first off, outer beauty is way overrated no matter how much doubt you have about that throughout your adolescence. It´s April now, and it just feels like the downslide of my time here this year. After being sick the last part of March and now that I´ve recovered, I have a refreshed sense of purpose for being here. I have so much excitement (rather than dread) about studying and learning Spanish. I am also so thankful for the sunshine and the good people who want to be apart of my life. I´m also very excited about music these days, spending my free time (and with working internet) trying to discover some more goodies. Lastly, let´s enjoy this day! Say, "okay!" when we make some plans, but try really hard to not want to turn the pages of the planner too quickly! ¿de acuerdo?